To begin with, ‘My New Pink Button’ has to be one of the most cringeworthy product names in history, as well as being somewhat insulting, but despite this, it has quickly sold out of three of its four variants in the Amazon warehouse.
I first believed it was a dye that would color a woman’s greying pubic hair – which makes sense – but it turns out that this isn’t the case; instead, it dyes a woman’s greying labia and can “restore it to a youthful pink.” I mean, shouldn’t I have found it out based on the name? Is this, however, actually a problem? I’d never heard of this being a problem before, but I’m not a child, and girls wouldn’t discuss such things with me. However, if this is a genuine issue, could you please let us know in the comments?
The dye itself comes in four different variations, each named after a different girl’s name – Ginger, Marilyn, Audrey, and Bettie – and packed in super cutesy 1950s style packaging, which I’m sure is exactly what you’d like when buying anything like this. The four colors reflect the various shades of pink that the dye will give your labia, with Marilyn being the lightest and Audrey being the darkest.
I’m not sure if you’re aware, but as we age, our labia – the most noticeable part of our bits – lose their fleshy-pink color. The good news is that one beauty brand is on its way to eradicating vaginal vulnerability, one pigmented blusher at a time.
Our vaginas, like our hair, grey as we age, which is something you probably don’t want to hear today. But have no fear: one make-up company has come up with the ultimate solution: a blusher-like product that allegedly’restores the youthful color back to your labia,’ because losing the rosy hue of our lady gardens is what we fear the most about getting older, right? Marilyn (the lightest hue, for fair-skinned ladies), Audrey (a “bold burgundy pink color”), Ginger (for darker skin tones), and Bettie (“for that sexy-hot-pink, ‘I am fired up’ look!”) are the four shades available in My New Pink Button. It’s a cream that you apply directly to your labia to give them a splash of color when they need to look their best.
The paint comes in four shades of pink, each named after a pinup model or movie star “a temporary dye [designed] to restore your labia’s youthful pink color. It’s a one-of-a-kind commodity.” “Easy to use — applies in just one minute — and your pink is back!” says the maker of each pack, which includes 20 applications of the genital dye. However, there are no (safety) guidelines about how to use Pink Button items for tie-dying. That, after all, would be crazy, wouldn’t it? Again, the line has never been tested on animals, but it “will bring out the Animal in you,” as the tagline promises. (By the way, both of these quotations are taken directly from the company’s online store.)
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